Hopefully these tips will help you when you approach the DJ booth...

I don't know exactly what goes through people's minds when they come up to me for a request.

You wouldn't go to the bank and expect them to know what kinda of transaction you want to make. Nor would you go into a clothing store and say "Oh you know, I need a top...it's that kind with the threads in it...maybe it's even a certain color...Oh YOU know what it is, don't you??".

But for some reason, when people want to make a music request when I'm spinning somewhere, one of two things happen; Either I don't have the rediculous request they want and they get upset or they just don't even know the song they want to request.

If I don't have the song (and I travel with about NINE CD book's when I DJ, no joke), I usually get a huff and a puff and they look completely defeated. As if I just told them that their tire's are flat and 'sorry, we just don't have a new one for you now'.

That situation I can understand. Sometimes when the booze is a-flowin and you're havin fun with your friends, you wanna hear a certain song and it can be a little rain on your parade to hear that you can't at that time.

Think about this logically though: If you hear a DJ is playing house music continually (with a little bit of mainstream pop thrown in there), odds are good that the crowd he's playing to doesn't wanna hear The Rolling Stones or Stevie Nicks. I've gotten requests for both.

When I was DJing at Heaven in NYC, I was on the second floor, playing mainstream vocal house remixes. That's what I was hired to do. Imagine my surprise when this guy approached the DJ booth and requested Pearl Jam.

My reply? "Oh, I'm sorry, I totally left that book home."

Pearl Jam.

Moving on.

Now, every Sat night I play at a tiny little bar called Secrets in Brooklyn. I love most of the regulars but there's always a few loose cannons wandering about and almost always by the end of the night they wanna talk to me about SOMEthing.

Like the guy who engaged me in this conversation after I played a house version of of Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time":

Him: Wow! Thank you so much for playing that song. I love that song!!
Me: Yeah, I know, it's a great song. One of my fave's by Cyndi.
Him: I know! I'm totally like a Cyndi Lauper freak!
Me: Oh yeah? I love her, I think she's great. I have alot of her stuff. Even the stuff that didn't make it so big...
Him: You know, Cyndi Lauper is the only evidence of God I've found on this planet.
Me: ::blank stare::
Me: Um...yeah...I mean...she's great. Love the Goonies song.

I mean, we all need something to believe in, but find me one person who says a Hail Cyndi or lights a candle at her shrine nightly and of course, they'll find ME!

Simple requests I don't mind and I'm actually one of the few DJ's who DOESN'T mind taking requests. If I have it, I will totally play it as long as it's not amazingly absurd. There are maybe two songs I refuse to play, possibly more, but off the top of my head: "Absolutely Not" by Deborah Cox and "Trippin" by Goldtrix feat Andrea Brown.

Also, odds are good you'll never find "Shiny Disco Balls" by Who Da Funk or "Who Am I?" by Massiv in ANY of my sets. It's just a preference. There are plenty of songs that can get the same reaction.

Some people treat club DJ's as if they're at a Sweet 16. Please don't. It's rude and no, I'm NOT playing "Let's Get Loud" by J-Lo. I don't know why people treat that one like the new "Boriqua Anthem".

I'll sooner play Milli Vanilli. (Don't lie, you know you know the words to "Blame It On The Rain")

Now, last Saturday while I was working, and granted I was in a cranky mood due to the lack of sleep I had the night before (also my own fault), I went through an all too familiar scene that is basically the DJ nightmare.

I can't say it enough that I really don't mind playing your requests, but please, make your requests and then go have fun. I can't stand there and try to work and keep paying you attention just because you're standing right next to me watching me work. If you keep talking to me, odds are good you're just going to annoy me, and I don't want that. I want to see you have fun. Also, while I'm standing there, I'm thinking about what song I want to play next. I can't have a full length conversation with you about "that time you were in Exit and that song came on" and how you and your friends "were buggin out" and dancing like over caffinated monkeys.

So, this guy comes up to me and wants to make (another) request. He's already asked me for Neil Diamond and Bryan Adams by this point. Both of which I put the ka-bosh on.

Him: Um...Yeah...do you have that song...It's a dance song. It's by that girl who was part of that group back in the day.

Now, at this point I already am thinking about cutting off his eyelids and feeding him sleeping pills.

Me: Um, you're gonna have to give me a little bit more than that.
Him: Awww, you know it. Um...It was that girl group.
Me: How far back are we talking here??
Him: Um...you know like 10 years ago...maybe a lil longer.
Me: I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about, maybe ask one of your friends to help you.

He does and then he comes back.

Me: So, do you know it?
Him: Nah but it's that house song. It's got the word "go" in it.
Me: ...............................

At this point my ghoulish fantasy of his expiration has taken new heights. Perhaps I could just slip some rat poison in his drink...maybe some Visine so I can watch him writhe in pain.

Me (calmly): Um, yeah. About that. That could be one of 500 songs and since I don't have a book with all my songs that have the word "go" in it, you're gonna have to try a lil harder in order for me to know what song it is.

And I laugh it off like it's a joke.

After much deliberation and him doing one of those "Ya know it goes...na na na na na na na...na na na na na na na..." kind of things I manage (don't ask me HOW) to put it together.

Do you know what song it was??

Melanie C's "I Turn To You".

Now, just for reference, I'm adding the lyrics here for your perusal:

"I Turn To You"

When the world is darker than I can understand.
When nothing turns out the way I planned.
When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight.
When I can't sleep through the lonely night.

I turn to you.
Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you.
'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

When my insides are wracked with anxiety.
You have the touch that will quiet me.
You lift my spirit. You melt the ice.
When I need inspiration, when I need advice.

I turn to you.
Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you.
'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

Where would I be?
What would I do?
If you'd never helped me through.
I hope someday if you've lost your way.
You could turn to me like I turn to you.

I turn to you.
Like a flower leaning toward the sun.
I turn to you.
'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you.

I turn to you.
When fear tells me to turn around.
I turn to you.
'Cos you're the only one.
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down.
I turn to you. I turn to you. I turn to you...

Ok, so hopefully you'll notice what I noticed:

NOWHERE IN THAT SONG DOES THE WORD 'GO' MAKE A CAMEO!

I beg of you, we can all come together to stop DJ homicide if you can try to really think logically about your requests when you approach the booth.

Thank you for your time.

Respectfully Yours,
John Michael

"DJ's are a club are not the same as DJ's at a wedding or a party. They're paid much more money. So don't think that you have the right to hear a song RIGHT NOW, because you say so. Be nice to the DJ. Compliment the DJ. Give the DJ money and oral sex and trust me, you'll get whatever you want."
- Jimi La Lumia "For DJ's Only"