La Isla Del Fuego...Last night I dreamt of some homo's...
For those of you who don't know, there is a little island of gay tranquility off the coast of Sayville, Long Island known as Fire Island.
For those of you who DO know, you'll have heard of a place called the Ice Palace.
For three years now I've been making my pilgrimages every season (it's only open a few months out of the year) and usually when I do, it's to DJ at the Ice Palace.
Fire Island is easily one of my most favorite places on earth. It's quaint and the "time goes by so slowly", as Madonna would say. Not only is it quaint but the majority of the people there are upwards of 30 and for the most part, the drama is nil.
The space at the Ice Palace is the largest space of all the clubs or bars on the island, be it Cherry Grove or The Pines and being able to DJ there makes me extremely happy. So, you can imagine that when I got the call from Jackie (the Ice Palace bar manager) a week ago to ask me to play there this past weekend, I jumped at it.
Prior to this I had always gone to DJ as a sidekick to a certain DJ but since She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I are no longer talking, I've decided to make my way into doing it solo.
And it's working!!
Like Gina Gershon says in 'Showgirls': "There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs behind you".
Jackie had asked me to DJ two parties that Sat, one was a private 40th b-day party and then the other was their regular Sat night. The schedule would run 1-6, then a 3 hour break and then 9-2AM.
I spent all week preparing, making sure that I had everything anyone could've possibly wanted (except "Fired Up"!!! Sorry Sam!! lol) and 7 days and 9 CD books later, me, Phil and Sam made our way to The Island of Fire (La Isla Del Fuego lol).
What would end up happening, none of us were prepared for. Since I'm not in the business of spreading everyone's private life around, I'll just keep to my own story.
I'll glaze over the day and get to the interesting stuff.
The private party went great. Everyone had an awesome time and I was happy that I could keep people moving, especially when it's someone's birthday. I love the idea of playing such a big part in keep the mood light.
I went back to my room and napped (I drank a lil too much during the afternoon lol) and then I got ready and went back for the Sat night part which also went well. Everyone who was listening said I played a great set and that Jackie really liked me (she said so to me too) and odds are definitely in my favor to be back there in 2007!!! Im so excited about that!!!!
So as my set was winding down around 2, I was already hammered. Hey, it's Fire Island, I don't have to drive anywhere and this was basically my End Of The Summer blowout.
At 2, most of the bars in the Grove close but Sunsets By The Bay stays open for afterhours till 4-ish. So off to Sunsets we went, each one of us more drunk than the other.
There I am on the dance floor (and the music selection was a little odd) dancing with Phil and Sam and Shortie and some other loose cannons we know, and this man comes over and starts dancing with me. Yes, I mean man. I don't realize it then because of my state of intoxication, but this man is definitely a man, we're talking somewhere near 40, which is not OLD, but I just didn't realize it at the time.
He was having a great time and we were laughing and everything was going great. At this time also, I never had any intention of anything happening with anyone.
I ordered my normal Long Island Blue (Blue Long Island, Adios Motherfucker, Greatful Dead, whatever you wanna call em. The names always change wherever I go.) and I took three sips and realized something:
I'm gonna throw up in about 2 min.
I tell Sam and then shortly after excuse myself to make my way to the bathroom and engage in the 'Paula Abdul Diet'.
I wash my face and head back to the bar, beer in tow, cause I can think at this point is that there's room for more now. ::shaking head::
And then I wonder why these things happen, huh? But wait. It gets better.
So sometime around 4AM, all of us more than sufficiently balls to the wall drunk, we decide to walk to the beach. What else is there to do at this point?
Now, this is when things start to get fuzzy.
I remember 3 things:
1) Standing around with this entourage waiting for Shortie to go to the bathroom and me stumbling around saying "Where am I going?? Where am I going??" and this is just another example of how GAY I really am. As I'm saying "Where am I going", the guy I had been dancing with (who is with us, why? I dont know) turns around and starts singing "Where are you going...? Where are you going...?" which is the opening line from "By Your Side" from Godspell. I instantly got so excited, I started singing with him and slurred my way through the first verse and chorus.
That's right. He seduced me with show tunes.
Strangely enough, that's not even the first time that's happened. What can I say? I'm sucker for a good melody.
So now with visions of dancing Jesus' in my head, we make our way to the beach which leads to the second thing I remember...
2) I had asked this man for a cigarette and he in turn said it would cost a blow job. To any normal person, it would register to leave now because you can see which way things are about to go.
But to me and my beer goggles? I laugh it off and tell him that I doubt the cigarette would be THAT good that it would be worth that. I then clue him in on some information: "I just want you to know, I'm not going to sleep with you. I'm sorry if that upsets you or ruins your night and if you wanna try to find someone else to hook up with, I totally understand."
Drunk or not, I'm still some kind of a lady.
He tells me that it's admirable and that he's joking around and asks me if I'll "cuddle" with him.
::rolls eyes::
I say yes.
::slaps self::
3) The next thing I know, Im in a hotel room that is not mine, at the Ice Palace (and where are my friends at this point?? No clue.).
As Margaret Cho said, "Now, I'm kinda feeling like a John at the Mustang Ranch", as I'm sitting on the edge of the bed.
Now, not having had a drink in sometime, my brain is starting to get back to it's regularly scheduled defense mechanisms. Unfortunately not fast enough.
Things start to happen rather quickly and suffice to say, while my brain kicks back into first gear and the reality of the situation sets in, things have progressed a lil further than I anticipated.
Somewhere along the way he asks if he should go get protection to which I reply "I'm sorry, but no".
Now as I'm sobering up, I'm realizing just how not attracted to this man I am and I lose it. Literally. I tell him I'm just drunk and that he should finish.
He does, and when he does, the noise he makes is akin to a her of wilderbeasts dying in a stampede. I bit my lip as not to laugh. In all of his 40-some odd years, no one told him that was completely un-sexy?? Such is life.
So I pass out right after, and the time is somewhere close to 6AM.
Fast-forward to the morning after.
I open my eyes and look over and all I can think is "Oh god, What have I done?"
I contemplate sneaking out but then I think better of it. Oh, and did I mention that he works at the Ice Palace?? ::shakes head::
Shortly after I wake, he does and he's ready for round two. I however have three things on my mind: 1) Breakfast 2) Getting the hell out and 3) My friends (and where they might be).
I tell him I had a nice night but I do wanna get back to my room and collect myself.
This is when everything really hits me.
As I get out of bed, I look around the room trying to gather myself and I notice two things:
1) A bottle of Wild Turkey on the windowsill (that I swear wasn't there when I first got there)
2) A pair of cowboy boots
This upsets me. Name me anyone under the age of 50 you know this side of the Mason-Dixon line who drinks Wild Turkey!
And...uh...Cowboy Boots?? I hooked up with someone wearing cowboy boots??? Oh god. How did I NOT see that?? And really though, who walks on the beach in cowboy boots???
Ugh.
Did I also forget to mention that he does drag???? ::sigh::
Yup. That's right. The hero of this story hooked up with a cowboy boot wearin, Wild Turkey drinkin, drag queen.
I now wanna crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.
I leave and find my friends who are just about in the same state of mind that I am and we hang around for a bit and then make our way home.
Always an interesting ride I tell ya. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't do random hook-ups. Nothing but trouble.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Till Then,
John Michael
"At first it was cute, but then something changed. I realized you are clearly deranged. Intense and obsessed, you're simply not well. So lose my address along with my cell. Emotional waste; an energy drain. The sight of your face is causing me pain. You're like a disease that runs through my veins. You're far worse for me than caffeine or cocaine..."
- Gioia Bruno "Wreckin My Nerves"
For those of you who DO know, you'll have heard of a place called the Ice Palace.
For three years now I've been making my pilgrimages every season (it's only open a few months out of the year) and usually when I do, it's to DJ at the Ice Palace.
Fire Island is easily one of my most favorite places on earth. It's quaint and the "time goes by so slowly", as Madonna would say. Not only is it quaint but the majority of the people there are upwards of 30 and for the most part, the drama is nil.
The space at the Ice Palace is the largest space of all the clubs or bars on the island, be it Cherry Grove or The Pines and being able to DJ there makes me extremely happy. So, you can imagine that when I got the call from Jackie (the Ice Palace bar manager) a week ago to ask me to play there this past weekend, I jumped at it.
Prior to this I had always gone to DJ as a sidekick to a certain DJ but since She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I are no longer talking, I've decided to make my way into doing it solo.
And it's working!!
Like Gina Gershon says in 'Showgirls': "There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs behind you".
Jackie had asked me to DJ two parties that Sat, one was a private 40th b-day party and then the other was their regular Sat night. The schedule would run 1-6, then a 3 hour break and then 9-2AM.
I spent all week preparing, making sure that I had everything anyone could've possibly wanted (except "Fired Up"!!! Sorry Sam!! lol) and 7 days and 9 CD books later, me, Phil and Sam made our way to The Island of Fire (La Isla Del Fuego lol).
What would end up happening, none of us were prepared for. Since I'm not in the business of spreading everyone's private life around, I'll just keep to my own story.
I'll glaze over the day and get to the interesting stuff.
The private party went great. Everyone had an awesome time and I was happy that I could keep people moving, especially when it's someone's birthday. I love the idea of playing such a big part in keep the mood light.
I went back to my room and napped (I drank a lil too much during the afternoon lol) and then I got ready and went back for the Sat night part which also went well. Everyone who was listening said I played a great set and that Jackie really liked me (she said so to me too) and odds are definitely in my favor to be back there in 2007!!! Im so excited about that!!!!
So as my set was winding down around 2, I was already hammered. Hey, it's Fire Island, I don't have to drive anywhere and this was basically my End Of The Summer blowout.
At 2, most of the bars in the Grove close but Sunsets By The Bay stays open for afterhours till 4-ish. So off to Sunsets we went, each one of us more drunk than the other.
There I am on the dance floor (and the music selection was a little odd) dancing with Phil and Sam and Shortie and some other loose cannons we know, and this man comes over and starts dancing with me. Yes, I mean man. I don't realize it then because of my state of intoxication, but this man is definitely a man, we're talking somewhere near 40, which is not OLD, but I just didn't realize it at the time.
He was having a great time and we were laughing and everything was going great. At this time also, I never had any intention of anything happening with anyone.
I ordered my normal Long Island Blue (Blue Long Island, Adios Motherfucker, Greatful Dead, whatever you wanna call em. The names always change wherever I go.) and I took three sips and realized something:
I'm gonna throw up in about 2 min.
I tell Sam and then shortly after excuse myself to make my way to the bathroom and engage in the 'Paula Abdul Diet'.
I wash my face and head back to the bar, beer in tow, cause I can think at this point is that there's room for more now. ::shaking head::
And then I wonder why these things happen, huh? But wait. It gets better.
So sometime around 4AM, all of us more than sufficiently balls to the wall drunk, we decide to walk to the beach. What else is there to do at this point?
Now, this is when things start to get fuzzy.
I remember 3 things:
1) Standing around with this entourage waiting for Shortie to go to the bathroom and me stumbling around saying "Where am I going?? Where am I going??" and this is just another example of how GAY I really am. As I'm saying "Where am I going", the guy I had been dancing with (who is with us, why? I dont know) turns around and starts singing "Where are you going...? Where are you going...?" which is the opening line from "By Your Side" from Godspell. I instantly got so excited, I started singing with him and slurred my way through the first verse and chorus.
That's right. He seduced me with show tunes.
Strangely enough, that's not even the first time that's happened. What can I say? I'm sucker for a good melody.
So now with visions of dancing Jesus' in my head, we make our way to the beach which leads to the second thing I remember...
2) I had asked this man for a cigarette and he in turn said it would cost a blow job. To any normal person, it would register to leave now because you can see which way things are about to go.
But to me and my beer goggles? I laugh it off and tell him that I doubt the cigarette would be THAT good that it would be worth that. I then clue him in on some information: "I just want you to know, I'm not going to sleep with you. I'm sorry if that upsets you or ruins your night and if you wanna try to find someone else to hook up with, I totally understand."
Drunk or not, I'm still some kind of a lady.
He tells me that it's admirable and that he's joking around and asks me if I'll "cuddle" with him.
::rolls eyes::
I say yes.
::slaps self::
3) The next thing I know, Im in a hotel room that is not mine, at the Ice Palace (and where are my friends at this point?? No clue.).
As Margaret Cho said, "Now, I'm kinda feeling like a John at the Mustang Ranch", as I'm sitting on the edge of the bed.
Now, not having had a drink in sometime, my brain is starting to get back to it's regularly scheduled defense mechanisms. Unfortunately not fast enough.
Things start to happen rather quickly and suffice to say, while my brain kicks back into first gear and the reality of the situation sets in, things have progressed a lil further than I anticipated.
Somewhere along the way he asks if he should go get protection to which I reply "I'm sorry, but no".
Now as I'm sobering up, I'm realizing just how not attracted to this man I am and I lose it. Literally. I tell him I'm just drunk and that he should finish.
He does, and when he does, the noise he makes is akin to a her of wilderbeasts dying in a stampede. I bit my lip as not to laugh. In all of his 40-some odd years, no one told him that was completely un-sexy?? Such is life.
So I pass out right after, and the time is somewhere close to 6AM.
Fast-forward to the morning after.
I open my eyes and look over and all I can think is "Oh god, What have I done?"
I contemplate sneaking out but then I think better of it. Oh, and did I mention that he works at the Ice Palace?? ::shakes head::
Shortly after I wake, he does and he's ready for round two. I however have three things on my mind: 1) Breakfast 2) Getting the hell out and 3) My friends (and where they might be).
I tell him I had a nice night but I do wanna get back to my room and collect myself.
This is when everything really hits me.
As I get out of bed, I look around the room trying to gather myself and I notice two things:
1) A bottle of Wild Turkey on the windowsill (that I swear wasn't there when I first got there)
2) A pair of cowboy boots
This upsets me. Name me anyone under the age of 50 you know this side of the Mason-Dixon line who drinks Wild Turkey!
And...uh...Cowboy Boots?? I hooked up with someone wearing cowboy boots??? Oh god. How did I NOT see that?? And really though, who walks on the beach in cowboy boots???
Ugh.
Did I also forget to mention that he does drag???? ::sigh::
Yup. That's right. The hero of this story hooked up with a cowboy boot wearin, Wild Turkey drinkin, drag queen.
I now wanna crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.
I leave and find my friends who are just about in the same state of mind that I am and we hang around for a bit and then make our way home.
Always an interesting ride I tell ya. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't do random hook-ups. Nothing but trouble.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Till Then,
John Michael
"At first it was cute, but then something changed. I realized you are clearly deranged. Intense and obsessed, you're simply not well. So lose my address along with my cell. Emotional waste; an energy drain. The sight of your face is causing me pain. You're like a disease that runs through my veins. You're far worse for me than caffeine or cocaine..."
- Gioia Bruno "Wreckin My Nerves"
posted by DJ John Michael at 7:41 AM
1 Comments:
now THAT's Drama
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