Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams...

I think the thing that bothers me the most about my parents is how they always manage to take a happy situation in my life, that may not always be the most convenient for them, and turn it into a nest of negativity.

I'm moving out (again).

A friend of mine is buying a house and asked me if I wanted to room with her. I jumped at it because for what the house looks like and all the amenities, the price was MORE than right. And I can afford it too! Amazing.

When I told my father about it, he said that he totally thinks I can do it. My bills aren't that much these days and I'm making enough money that I can live without working JUST to pay for the rent.

So, happily, I told my friend it was all a green light.

Then yesterday my mother calls me at work (and why would ANYONE do this??) and says "So what's this about moving out?" and I said "I'm doing it." and she says "I dont think you can afford it."

Now, where is this coming from? And not only that, but I was having a HORRIFYING day at work yesterday and this really was the icing on the cake. I told her that I had NO desire to talk to her at that time and promptly hung up.

All of a sudden now (about 15 minutes ago), I was told by my father that ALL OF A SUDDEN he doesn't know if this is a good idea.

My theory: He tells my mom. Mom freaks. She comes up with a list of reasons as to why I can't do it. My dad drinks the kool-aid.

Here we are.

When I moved out the first time, mom freaked & cried and told me that she didn't want me to.

I did it anyway and it was great.

I'm doing it again and I don't care what anyone says.

My father says that because my nephew has to go to nursery school everyday come winter time that my mother is going to need the car.

Thanks to my sister, she has once again managed to f**k up everyone else's life and the plans that they want just so she can do what she wants.

I told my father to take the car. I don't care at this point.

I. WANT. OUT.

I've been bending over backwards for this family, re-arranging my schedule and dropping plans on short notice just to make sure I could do what I could to make up for my sister's short comings all to get a pat on the back and a smile.

Don't get me wrong. My family has been MORE than supportive in almost any venture I've taken on. I'm lucky and I know this.

Within the past 6 months or so, my family has been hit with alot of low blows, my mother's been through a gallbladder surgery, two carpal tunnel surgeries, not to mention my sister's constant reliance on us to pick up the slack that she lacks.

And bear in mind, I love my nephew more than I probably love anyone else on this planet. I'd take a bullet for him, but there has to come a time when reliance turns into dependance and dependance turns into inconvenience.

Maybe this is selfish but I feel like for way too long now, I've been living my life for everyone else and not ONCE has anyone asked me what *I* want. What *I* want to do and where *I* want to go.

And now, when I see that light at the end of the tunnel, to finally get away and have my own little corner of the world (which literally resides not even 5 minutes away from where I live now), they wanna take that away from me????

It's a little too much for me to take.

If it means I have no car, Im ready to make that sacrifice. Cell phone? Take it. Whatever it is you wanna take, you can have it.

I need to do this for myself and my own sanity.

Don't think ill of me for it.

Till Then,
John Michael

"Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze. Tounge tied and twisted are all my memories. Celebrating a fantasy come true. Packing all my bags. Finally on the move. I'm leavin today. I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change..."
- Christina Aguilera "Cruz"